I'm going to be honest.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I go to work in an office five days a week, 8 to 5, doing exactly what I didn't want to. I get off work, go home, study French for 30-60 minutes, and get on the web to pour over others' stories of travel and living and working and wandering abroad.
The issue... I tell myself... is the debt. 'I just need to pay off my debt'. 'I just need to save up a little bit'. 'I just need to finish my AA'. All the while with the creeping doubt in the back of my mind that these thoughts are not actually what I must do but what society has projected onto me. Some days I feel weary with the challenges that come by throwing off the societal expectations and ideals. Reprogramming your mind can be just as frustrating as it is freeing.
I know I know I know better things are coming. I end each day mentally exhausted with the restless anticipation of what's next. These thoughts keep me awake at night, and will continue until I find my sense of direction, however fleeting it may be.
[This site and this e-book have been my most recent inspirations.]
".يضيع جمال الحياة عندما تنظر بعينيك فقط
And the beauty of life is lost when you only look with your eyes."
I've followed your tumblr for some time, and am glad you posted this. I have the same feeling, the same doubt. Sometimes I call it dread.
ReplyDeleteReprogramming all the imposed expectations has been the theme of this year, and now it finally ends and I am getting the chance to just throw caution to the wind and go. Travel. When I say getting the chance I mean taking the chance and working hard.
I can tell you that I am still not certain. I am still not positive that the choices I make to ignore those societal consequences will pan out. I am sure that if I never take the leap I will always regret it.
So here is some meager support, enthusiasms and encouragement that you will find the path to where you want to go despite the constraints swallowing you.
Cheers,
C.E.Callender
"I am sure that if I never take the leap I will always regret it".
ReplyDeleteThat line resonates with me, as it is the same conclusion I came to before taking my first "plunge" into traveling. The circumstances weren't the wisest and the planning was poor [hence the debt]. But I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am glad I went and it is because of that trip that I am aching to get out into the world again.
Best of luck to you! And thank you for the message.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
DeleteAnd sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
Perhaps cliche, but relevant non the less.
Perfect. "The Road Not Taken" has been a favorite of mine since grade school.
DeleteOne of my top favorite poems of all time is devotion by him as well. It's so simple but conveys so much!
DeleteI just wanted to say that after reading this and commenting I decided to go ahead and blog my adventures. I'm not a good photographer so it's just my thoughts/observations. If you want to check it out it's celdencallender@wordpress.com. Just wanted to say thinks for a little inspiration in having a voice online.
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear it!
ReplyDelete